Saturday, April 21, 2012

Wishful Thinking.... A Short Story!

Although I could barely hear the mfufled ticking nof the clock, I knew timew as counting down into the dismal darkness. I wrapped myself tighter into my cacoon of warmth, longing for it to be different. I sighed into the awaiting silence, only wanting his arms constricted around my frail form. I opened my eyes and peered otu over the cover of my sheets.The moon sneakily glanced through my blinds and half-covered stars winked.
There were many nights I had run into its teasing fun and let myself fall into his embracce. We'd walk hand in hand amidst the frozen world, stilled in it sorbit. Not one soul peeped. There was no noise to break apart our hooked souls. We made the music as our hearts beat together.
Now the sky tormented me with our secret woven into their knoweldge. The stars, the moon, they knew as I did what had happened. My heart tremors, making me roll over away from the view. I again close my eyes counting the jumbled ticks with my breaths.
There was nothing. Only flittering memories filtered through the quiet hour. His hand had been so soft, like a safety blanket, while they enclosed mine. He had stroked my fingers, letting me know he was paying attention to me and nothing else. His fingertips had skid across each knuckle with deliberation, slowly with passion. It was his touch that had first sent the shiver crawling down my spine one vertabrae at a time, ending in a collision of bubbly tickling goosebumps enclosing my skin.
The first moment he looked at me sputtered through the atmosphere. The golden rim of his eyes caught in the sunlight, singing out his inner self to my knowing. The sky blue trapping his iris, enugulfed my body in  melodious waves crashing in to my heart. It was then I had realized that I had to know him.
The second his forehead touched mine, my mind went blank. My heart pummeled against my chest so hard I could barely breathe. My stomach knotted firm. I could barely contain my emotions bursting like a flame ignited. Our lips had parted to meet.
He had tasted of cherries, a fresh squirt of paradise, seeping into my being. It was a key unlocking me into a world of undeniable love.
I can barely breathe now as the remembrance crams unwantingly.
I've held it in for so long-silent. My heart held by a thin strand onto itself. I urled up closer, huddling in a ball. My legs held close, pushed up against my chest.
I bite onto my lower lip as I try to stay strong. In return, all I get is one tear rolling down my cheek and ending on my pillow. Not even the dark evening has seen it. The atmosphere thickens. It is too bleak; no one could've seen.
I cut myself away from the thick mass of memories and roll over again. I stand from my bed, my safety net, and tiptoe across the cold floor. Iw alk to my blinds and look out across the street.
No one stirs. The trees stand tall, strong, unmovable and I know that I can mimic their very stance.  My eyes catch hold of a slight flicker. Looking up I see the grace of a fallen star, streaking across the sky, illuminating with color and beauty. I hug my hands to my heart and wish.
I whisper into the darkness my one hope and blow it into its awaiting ear. It no longer lingers within me, but bounces around the corners of my room adn out into the open night sky.
For a second I believe in magic. I put my faith into the superstitiong and traditions of old. Maybe, he will hear it one night. Maybe, the wind will carry it to him and pllace it against his heart... and just maybe my wish will come true.

Sunday, April 8, 2012


Past wafting flow'rs of mornings dew
as sunlight drifts anew;
o'er clover'd fields wer'ere they bloom
to rocks hard form protudes

the face of one who bore all sins.
To death he suffered long,
for me a sinful child unfit...
amongst his heart was love.

For all mankind he gave his soul
though sinless, clean always
he gave the sacrafice most hard;
his life he did give way.

The rock encased his body firm
protected from all bad.
Three days he laid at peace unmoved,
as people turned away.

One day the sun from upward shone...
the light saw just a glance.
A woman cried for master there;
the view an empty hole.

Hence the birds soft voices praising
tell the tale unspoken,
that deaths sting has been o'ercome
Hoorah for victory!

He is risen, He is risen
the glory to behold.
Light displays the empty tomb
living he is... always!

He is risen!
What a brilliant knoweldge is shared throughout the world at this time. The Son fo God lives and we too will one day live as he does. What a glorious message! I can't help but feel a great debt of grattitude to my brother on this day. Because of His love, His suffering for me, I can live with my Heavenly Father again. I can be with my family forever.
This day of celebrationg is for one of my best friends. He not only worked many miracles in days of old, but daily works miracles in my life. Not only did he bring the truth to the world int he past, but today continues to share this gospel to us through his servants and the Holy Ghost. What a reason to rejoice! My best friend did not just commit the ultimate sacrafice to save my spirit, but rose again to save my body, so that my soul can live forever. I love my best friend Jesus Christ with all that I possess.
He has been there for me in my sorrows and joys. He has been there for my hardships and at the times where life was great. I have seen his hand in my life. I know he loves me. I know he cares about me. I know he hears me. I know he has suffered my sins and guilt so that he understands me. I know he forgives. I know he did this for me, just as he did for everyone of us.
How glorious is the day in which our Savior was ressurected from the tomb. How joyous should our hearts be in singing together...
"He is risen! He is risen! Tell it all with joyful voice. He has burst his three days' prison; let the whole wide earth rejoice. Death is conquered, man is free. Christ has won the victory." (-He is Risen by Cecil Frances Alexander and Joachim Neander, LDS Hymn 199)
He did this for us, now let us remember our friend, brother, Redeemer, Savior Jesus Christ. I know that my Reedemer lives!
HE IS RISEN!!!!:):)

Tuesday, March 27, 2012


What is the power of words? I was thinking back on one of my favorite authors of all times. His name is Mitch Albom. He wrote some great books that made me want to write down a lot of his wisdom while still enjoying the story. As you know I love to write. So as I pondered on the impact of words I was reminded why I love to write.
Writing for me is like breathing. I see a blank screen, a blank page of paper, an empty notebook and I see opportunity and excitement. A blank page of paper is one of my favorite sites because I know that my words will be filling those pages. Even if a story isn't meant to be motivational, it can be great for other reasons. When I was growing up I loved to read. I was always reading. My brother, Preston, use to joke, "Haven't you read the whole library already?" I would grab ten books each time and read them all. I loved it. It was a way to escape sometime, to relax, to enjoy,. and to imagine I wanted to be able to give that to people. I wanted people to be able to find in my words what I've found in others.
It isn't just writing. It's everyday speaking. Words have such an impact on this society. It's with words that presidents are elected, that people find inspiration, that others are uplifted, or torn down. It's all about words.
Yet, how many times a day do we actually look at our vocabulary? I know I'm not one to listen to every word passing my lips and thinking, "What if I had said that a different way?" I don't. But I should. I should look at how I treat others, how what Is ay comes across to them. no One wants to hurt others, at least I hope not. The saying that, "Bricks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me." It's not entirely true. I know plenty of people who would say words are the harshest things to break a soul. Maybe it's not bones, but a soul is something so miraculous, so precious, and special, breaking that is worse.
So as these authors that find their way into your heart and inspire, as well as these poeple who walk around every day and give hope and friendship, look up to them. Be one of those people. Help those around you and realize how importan this is. Our world is growing harder and darker everyday. It's beginning to get really scary. If we all extend kind words to one another of help and hope, how much better will the world revolving around you be? How much better for your kids, if they learn the importance of this now and those around them as well. They will be better off protected.
Just as much as words are for good, they can be for bad, even in story books. Be careful what you read, what you say, what you put into your mind. For as much hope and good words can do, there is much dismay and failing words that can enter. Approach carefully to these things. Be weary of what comes trailing out of your mouth and the way you say things. For how you say it is truly the do or die. People react different to everything, so just be careful and loving of those around you, and it will be returned. And go enjoy a good book. I have many favorite and there are many great stories out there, so many that it can be hard to choose jut one. But go enjoy and relax, fill the power of words.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Spark of Happiness

Never-ending smiles, undisturbed passion, frequent laughter, and heart-stopping emotions file into the moment. It's not just about finding happiness, it becomes happiness. Every shred and hope of grasping it has now come full swing. You're holding it tightly, trying desperately to treasure every second. It doesn't come around to often and finding it at your fingertips is so deliciously tempting that you want to fling yourself into it, bu tease into it and let it consume you. Don't rush happiness because then it become nothing more than  mere stress again.
The one person that brought you to the thing you'd been searching-happiness-has no idea. Just a slight flickering thoguht of him brings the upside down rainbows without force. The laughter rolling off your tongue and starting at your core is connected with his in undefining woven moment of understanding and fun. Feelings of being completely perfect with yourself and enjoying everything placed before you, savoring every sample is more than enough. Being able to find oneself bubbly from the inside out, starting at ones toes and working up to the last hair at the top of your head, makes one know how things should be and are.
Thank God for knowing who to send into your life to spark that flame for the passion of life and the enjoyment therein. The glow of knowing the stars have aligned in your favor to help start anew with his amazing self by your side, making you extremely happy to be you and to be alive. So next time happiness seems to hover, go for it. Learn from it, keep it still in your focus never losing sight. People will come, people will go sharing their joy, but all that matters is what they left behind, what they gave. Take the moment you've been given with them and treasure it. When they seem to be gone, keep on smiling for happiness you'll learn is but only a choice.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

A Thought on Life

Life is ever changing, like the rhythmic beat of a drum. It marches onward, never looking back, but presses on resolutely.
It's hard to keep up with the pace, to treasure moments in passing. Growing up seems a lot like this. Where did all that time go? It just vanished, past by like the bat of an eye. I know a lot of us feel like this. Where did my little children go? Where did high school go?
Time is swift, it is undeniably quick. Sometimes in this whirlwind of excitement you forget to pace yourself.
It's so easy to get caught up in the hurried rush of life's drums. It's so easy to let the little moments in life slip by, leaving us asking where it all went to. We all need to grasp these treasured seconds, like a spark of lightning, only there for a quick flash. Where do I go now?
It seems so faint, like a story with no skipping ahead or sneak peeks. Yet, I know now that life itself is different for every one of us. It's an internal pulsing that pushes us each to different winding roads, different experiences, and different things.
Life will not always be easy. Being out on my own I have to be ready for the boulders placed in front of my marching feet. But if I keep up, move onward, that boulder will soon seem another small pebble along the twisted road. It'll be something I learned from, grew from, overcame, so I could keep pressing on to the amazing story unwinding.
As we continue to move in time with the changing beat, paths will cross. We will be able to touch for but a small glitch in time, someone elses road of life. If we're too focused on the super-sonic rush we may feel from ticking minutes, we will not be ready.
For you see, what truly matters is not just you and your life, but what you do with what comes along your road. Be prepared so that when you cross anothers path you may be able to leave footprints imprinted in their trail, in their life.  Touch another souls journey and in that way they will touch yours.
When you envision the end of the long, sometimes tiring, yet exciting march you want the best-the end of the story. I picture a huge field on a  sunny day. A place of rest, a place of peace, a beautiful place filled with love.
People you've passed along the way wait there, hands outreached. Their cheers can be heard and you know you did well. You lived life, you didn't just pass it by.
When you arrive dirty from the hard struggles, worn from the storms, burnt from the sun, cheeks hurting from the many smiles and laughter shared, hands worn from working your hardest, legs tired form pushing yourself to the limit, worn out from enjoying all you could, you'll look back and with tears in your eyes be grateful.
You can smile, relish what you've done, the amazing life you've lived. Then you won't be alone in celebrating the best and the road that brought you to the very end of your written story to tell.
So, next time you have a moment, slow down. Look around. Enjoy all that's placed before you. Give your best, push yourself to be better. Give your heart, a lending hand, a listening ear. Give yourself a smile. Live to love life and soon you'll love to live life.
It won't be just a hard, tiring, pointless walk. It will become a joyous, happy, inspiring, skip to the end!

Thursday, February 23, 2012


I am Chosen
                Sometimes I catch glimpses. Those still moment in which a spark seems to ignite, slowing everything around you, focusing on the small flames.  The hidden gem brought to sparkle for just a minute. I long to grasp it and the girl I see in this very second. The clear vision of who I am.
                Music blasts from the stereo and I sit in front of my computer screen, staring at a blank page, wanting to write this feeling-consuming. Difficult to explain the life lived and the memories left behind, the future hazed. Growing up beyond where cruel words can reach from the past, to a place where I ponder in frozen time. And despite feeling lost most of the time, and forgetting my worth, I know sit smiling. Smiling by myself in the empty room with just me, my music, my writing, and God, I find worth. I am happy. Even though I have suppressed my greatness and forgotten how truly beautiful I can be, there are times where I do catch glimpses.
                I don’t need anyone to save me. I am saved. I have been saved. Saved from a life of sadness and loneliness, I am. God pulled me out a long time ago and I just couldn’t see. So many blessings around me and I have been blind. Masked by the horrid memories of heartache and depression, I have groped for meaning in myself and in life. But it has always been there, right there, so close I just needed to squeeze and grasp tightly. Tears swell at the feeling of peace. I know in this very second that I have so much worth. More than I can comprehend. I believe in myself. I am worth more than tears from my bleeding heart, more than pain from actions done towards me, more than what they say on their tongues waiting to devour my soul.
                Maybe I have let people down. Maybe once, I was alone...alone without love. But now I am not. I never truly was. I couldn’t be happy when focused on people’s thoughts and words. I wanted to make them happy. But I’ve never tried to make myself happy. Maybe now it’s time. I do much and I try so hard. I always wanted to be accepted –chosen. Now I am. I am chosen by me. I chose me. I didn’t realize… but until I chose me every day, I will not be happy. I can’t keep dreaming of who I want to be. I must become who that girl is now and love her with all that I possess. For when I ignite that fire and let it burn brighter I won’t just be sitting here, smiling by myself. I will be smiling for myself in front of everyone.
                I can do it. I know that there will be days ahead, when those words will drag from the deepest recesses of my mind and bring upon waves of sorrow. I know there will be days when I look around and feel not good enough for anything. But, there will be days like today, right now, where I see clearly who I am. No one can tell me who I am. No one can make me feel like someone I’m not. And I can keep my shoulders held high until the day I meet my maker, knowing I’ve done all I could to keep strong and to be who I was meant to be. I tried. I’ve fought. I’ve fought to survive. I’ve fought to live. I’ve fought to overcome the image painted on everyone’s minds. I am not that girl. I am the girl I want to be. I am proud of the girl I am. And my fire will not be put out by hard days, it will not be put out by other people, it will not be put out by memories of the past. God gave me new light a long time ago, and I am ready to watch it burn as high as it can go. He never gave up on me. He always held my hand. He is proud of me. He is there. He gives my soul worth. I am chosen by Him. He has chosen me. I chose Him. I can light this world. I can light my soul. I can light my way. I am chosen. My fire is burning. I choose me.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

A Tid Bit of Love

This morning I woke up disheartened. Me and my husband are so busy and it felt like any other regular day. I was stuck in my own selfish shell when I realized the truth behind Valentine's Day.
Growing up we see the romance and the gifts. We are taken in by the thought of it all. That's what we have come to expect. I am a die hard romantic and my hopes have always been high on Valentine's Day.
As I was feeling sorry for our busy day and the fact that there wasn't anything special going on, I realized that I was looking at this all wrong. It isn't about the presents and the romance. It is about the love.
I have so much love for my husband. He means the world to me. Everyday I somehow find that I love him more than the day before. It is always growing deeper and deeper. I realized that it didn't matter that we didn't have time for a big romantic dinner, or that we couldn't afford anything right now to give to each other. The fact remained that we loved each other and that we had each other for another day. What more could one ask for on Valentines day?
Not only did I realize this, but also that I had so many people in my life that loved me and that I love. This day is about expressing to them your care. It is about making sure people know how you feel and how grateful you are. 
My life has been nothing other than a fairy tale. I have a prince charming who loves me and who I love. I am treated like a princess everyday. It is like Valentine's 24/7. So this "normal" day, is not so normal. For my normal is Valentine's. It is filled with love. I have nothing to complain about or feel down about. I wasted time this morning not seeing what was right in front of me.
Let love in to your everyday life. Live in Valentines! There is nothing better than going out of your way to show and tell someone you love them and have it returned. I am so grateful for my family and for my wonderful husband! Happy Valentine's Day Everyone.:):)